...auto-pilot.

There's a room in my mind. A hidden place where I go and be by myself and quiet. I lock myself in there when I've had enough.

Then someone who's me knocks on the door. He asks me questions. Basically hes my autopilot.

"What do i do?"
"You're me. I am you."
"You answer when asked. You laugh appropriately when you find it funny. You share a little bit of our experience and knowledge when needed. You eat when you're hungry. You have fun when you need to have fun. Share stories and things when needed. When there's nothing then revert to me..sit still and be quiet."
"But...what about you?"
"I'll be alright here till the time comes"
"When will that be?"
"Who knows?"

..still here.

Well,

Its been awhile...but im still here.

Things have been going well. But not very much ..for the past few weeks. I wish I could type in a more happier post. But we dont always get what we want dont we?

My tito/uncle died a few days ago. Mum flew back from the US along with a couple of siblings to visit him but they didnt make it. Im pretty sad and hurt, Mum and her siblings are pretty close despite the fact that there's 11 of them. He was just here..and now he's gone :c


Prior to that, things have been spiraling downwards again. I lost count how many times the thought of killing myself passed thru my mind. I dont know whats going on anymore...whats happening or going to happen. I dont see anything for me anymore.

But well, i'm still here. I dont know why.