I dont know where im going with this. This'll be more of like rambling than a decent post. I just wanted to write down some of the things in my head. I wish I could write in down in a more eloquent manner but theres just too much running around in my head.
There are alot of things I dont know. Things that a person my age should know. It scares me.
Maybe because im stuck right now. I have been for the longest time. And mostly, its all my fault.
Im not sure where to go though. Im not sure what to do. Im not even sure if things'll work out if I did now. Im not sure if im needed. Im not sure. Im just not sure.
The only thing im sure of is that im a mess right now and trying to keep things together has been really hard. trying to make sense of it all makes it even harder.
I mean, you go out there everyday with good intentions, trying so hard to do your best. Then what happens? Shit. Thats what. Either you fuck things up yourself or someone does it for you.
I stopped dreaming for myself. I stopped having personal future goals. I know whats in store for me in the future. Nothing but disappointment. Just like what I am.
Im lost. Maybe I want to be found. Maybe not. I dunno. I mean, what then? What happens next if im found?
Its the uncertainty of it all. It makes me overthink too much.
Theres this heavy ache in me that never goes away.
Try to get something going. Try to have a routine.Try to do something. Try to be more positive.
Try to get a rhythm going. Have something to work on.
But why do I still feel empty.
I thought I was doing ok.
I thought I was ok.
I dunno if ill ever be ok.