ber ramblings

 So its October and things are more likely to get worse than better...unless we get a proper vaccine some day. Im not hoping itll be by the end of the year as it might not be possible unfortunately.

Ive been stuck ay home since March (16) when the government started the lockdowns. I did manage to go out less than five times, all with my older brother and we went out mostly for groceries and once for a haircut. Ive been at home for so long and it feels like its getting to me. I mean, I have already had these things, the anxiety pre-covid and its just getting worse.

Ive been thankful for a couple of friends who have been there for me and kept me sane/busy. Earlier this year, I was gifted a PS4 by one of those friends and til now I feel like I didnt deserve it but I was extremely grateful as it has also helped in distracting myself from things.

Im not sure when will this end but I hope itll be soon. I want to return to normal and get back to work plus itll be good for my sanity. Sure, im used to it as there have been times that ive just stayed home for a long duration of time but id rather not have it right now. I mean, in a few years, ill be 40 and I havent done anything at all. If I have been living on my own, I wouldve not have survived. Not the Covid and not life especially.

In all honesty, im tired and have given up. I dont have any specific goals and dreams anymore. Im fine with just surviving. As long as im not inconvenienced and things dont suck, ill be fine with it. I did used to have plans and stuff but yknow, not all of those cam into fruition and it seemed like bad luck. To be honest, I feel like its my fault how things got this way I guess? Maybe karma? 

Well, thats just how it is. It is what it is, nothing I can do about it.