Wednesday, December 4, 2013


I'm not really sure what title to give this post..anyway..

As you have prolly read/seen, I haven't really been posting. If I did, it'll all about...well, you know.

The past few months has been literally a nightmare come true for me. But I'm trying to survive and move on. Keyword: Trying.

As if things weren't bad enough. My granma has gotten sick and it has everyone so worried.

My granma is one of my pillars of strength and since the other decided to leave, she's all I have left. My granma is always giving me hope and is always there for me. The way she encourages me to do the things I love and the way she supports me in whatever endeavor I do is few of the reasons why I treasure her. Now she's sick and I just wish that I could do more to help her. I just feel so helpless.

I don't have a future. At least not anymore. My future was all planned out before. But when the other left, it was gone. I was left with nothing. I don't see anything for me  in the future. I don't even want to think about a future without my granma. I do now that we can't stay here forever but I kind of hoped that when my granma is ready to go, she'll see me really happy and content with my life. I am hoping that she'll get to see me get married [or at least get a girlfriend that will stay] so that at least she knows I'm in good hands.

With all the weight I have on my shoulders, I already assumed that my December AND Christmas isn't going to be

I just plan to buy myself a bottle of Jack and spend Christmas alone as usual. Drinking it all if that's my inevitable future, being alone and being drunk.

I mostly didn't expect the 1st of December to be really anything. I try not to get to worked up and just I always/will know do on ALL the 1st days of every month. Why? You know why.

Anyhoo, it was a surprise when two of my close friends were kind of bugging me to go to and meet-up with them. I was hesitant at first with my granma sick and all but when she needed medicine that was available in Manila then I took the chance to kill two birds with one stone.

My friends did say that they had something for me...a gift. They were even joking that it was a PS3. I really didn't want to believe it but hey, a free PS3 is an awesome gift to get. I tried not to think about it though.

When I did meet-up with them I told them about my plans and they were eager to help me and go around look for the meds. But they did insist first on giving me their gift.

It was wrapped well and was a bit heavy. It was small to be a PS3 though. I expected they saw my toy wishlist in Facebook and got me one or a few things there. But to my surprise, they got me a Nintendo 2DS..a brand new Nintendo 2DS along with the Animal Crossing game every 3DS player seems to be playing.

I tried so hard not to get too emotional and cry in public. I have never gotten any gift like that before. I never thought no one appreciated me or cared for me alot to get me something like a handheld gaming system...which costs alot.

I was a loss for words I really didn't expect such a gift...or even such kindness. These two friends of mine have been always there for me..moreso during the fall-out of my previous relationship...and they have always looked out for me. It was all too much I couldn't handle such kindness. I haven't seen any kind of  silver lining or anything good the past few months. But their gesture of friendship was too much to take. When I excused myself to go to the restroom, I got in a cubicle and I cried. I did try to tone it down but I cried. I never thought anyone would do so much for someone like me. Let alone the kind of attitude I've been having the past few months.

So I just cried till it stopped and I stood inside the cubicle for a few minutes trying to collect myself before heading out as if nothing happened. I never told them I cried. If they are reading this then now they know.

We did managed to find the meds my granma needed [thank god] and we found it on the first drugstore we went to. My friends attributed it on luck. I guess it was luck as I've been to alot of drugstores in Pamapnga and haven't found the meds needed.

We then just walked around and catch-up talking about alot of stuff. When we managed to visit a toy store, me and Wacks got free Gundam Age kits. he then attributed it to how lucky I was to day. A contrast on how I felt of the 1st of every month but with the way things were going, I was starting to believe him.

We then went around to look for a place to eat and I suggested to try the Bacon Chicken at Kenny Rogers. Ivy said that she and Wacks went to a Kennys and tried ordering one but they were told it would take an hour. I said that if that's the case, we can wait since we can talk and sit and rest.

When we got to a table, Wacks went and ordered. He came back with a smile on his face saying we got the bacon chicken and that it was lucky since it was the last one. I haven't been happy in a long time, and being happy on the 1st day of the a month has been unnatural for me the past few months but this was an exception.

My "luck" managed to run out when we failed to find an accessory needed to charge my 2DS so we all could link and play. But I thought that it was okay. Just having these two people care so much for someone like me is more than enough.

I'm not really sure when we will meet up again but hopefully it will be soon. Also I hope that in the future there will be a way for me to repay the kindness all my close friends have given me the past few months. Because I've been much of a total douche/jerk/whatever and they still stayed with me and never left. They never left even if I was at my worst and helped me face my problems.

I guess that I am a bit glad that even though all of my relationships failed, my relationships with my friends didn't. They were more understanding and more patient.  I guess I'm more successful in choosing friends than girlfriends.

Anyway, if this is how my December started. I do hope that it continues on. Lord knows I need days like that and of course, Lord knows I need friends like them.

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