30.

This wasn't how envisioned  how things will be when I turn 30.

I thought that i'd have a stable job at someplace nice. I thought i'd be married or engaged. I thought Wiya would still be there to cook me my 30th bday spaghetti.

But as it was made evident to me  months ago. Things change. People change. Everything changes.

~

Age is just a number.

I think that proves true for me since obviously I don't act my age. But it isn't an indicator that I'm not serious. I can be when needed...when I want to. But I'm just not that kind of guy.

Then again..being 30 makes you think.

That I am not that young anymore. And that most men in the family don't reach their late 40's [Dad died in his mid-30s and his brother, my uncle, died around his mid-40s].

Will I suffer the same fate?

~

I don't really know what's the next step for me now.

Sure, I have my options..both have their pros and cons. But I'm still at a loss.

These are the times when Wiya will talk me through what to do next. But she's gone.

Most of my loved people have either gone and /or left me.

That's how being 30 feels like to me.

Empty.