Relapse.

A few days after my birthday I began to experience stomach pain. I attributed it to the lots of drinking and eating that happened the past few days. I didn't think it would be anything but just an upset stomach.

I was wrong.

Days before the last baking class, I was already experiencing more pain than ever and have been having sleepless nights because of it. One thing I dreaded was the fact that I was having trouble breathing again. Just moving a little would make me loss breath alot and that worried me.

On the morning of the last Baking Class, I was still feeling pain but when I ate a little breakfast it went away. I was still experiencing lossness of breath though but I still managed to drive to class. However I knew I was in trouble when just going from the car to the building where we held class almost took out everything from me. I tried to compose my self as I went thru the door and tried to sleep it off before class started.

I managed to prepare the ingredients we needed that day but after that I was out of breath and again and tired. Our instructor noticed that I was looking a bit pale than usual. I just told them I just came from being sick and continued to sit and rest but our instructor said that I was really looking paler than usual even for her. She even told me to just go home and rest so that I can attend the graduation.

I said no but I wished I said yes.

Lunchtime came and all I did was sleep. I thought sleeping would work and make me have enoguh strength to move about but as I went with my friends to eat out, walking from the building to the nearby mall took my breath away...literally. I was leaning near the entrance wall gasping for air. I tried to hide it but when youre gasping for air people would notice. My friends got worried but I just told them I needed air. I was drenched in cold sweat, something was definitely wrong. I let my friends go on and eat lunch and after a few minutes I followed them and ordered fries and a burger which I couldnt even finish.

On the way back I was feeling a bit okay. I was so wrong. As we got near our building I almost couldnt walk nor talk. I let my friends go on to class as I tried to get myself to the veranda and sit myself down to rest. It took alot of my strength just to get to that place and it was just so near. I was feeling bad and I could feel it getting worse. I sat there for almost 5 minutes before heading into class.

My friends were already busy making the recipe and stuff. I noticed they were talking to the instructor about me and when she saw me, she exclaimed I was paler than ever and insisted I go home. I didn't say no this time around. As I was packing my things and apologizing to my friends for leaving I noticed I was feeling light-headed. Good thing our instructor noticed that too and said, "Can you even drive in your condition? D'you need someone to drive you?". Before I could answer someone already volunteered and then someone else would be driving behind us so they can go back to class after.

I appreciated that my friend drove me home. She prolly didnt notice but I was trying not too look to sick or pale so she wont be worried while driving. In truth, I thought I was going to throw up because of what I felt that day. We got home okay and I said my thanks as they drove back to class. I immediately slumped over the living room sofa. The pain was really beginning to hurt and not only was I almost always out of breath, it really felt hard to move around.

I missed my baking class graduation because of it and I regret every minute of not being able to attend.

The day after class, I couldn't bear the pain any longer. It has now moved to the left side of my body. I asked my brother to get me to the hospital. By the wee early hours of that monday, I was already admitted in the hospital and was being stuck by needles and given medicine.There was this one time I was in so much pain, I was literally screaming. They gave me novaine [? dont know how it was spelled] for the pain and I was out like a light. That is until they woke me up for 2-d echo tests, ultrasound, x-ray, etc.

The before I got out they told me I had Gallstones. That they were the one causing me pain BUT they wont be doing anything to them unless they fix my heart condition first. With that my fear was made true. It was back. The dilated cardiomyopathy in 2007 was back. With a vengeance as they discovered blood clots in my heart.

Relapse.

To be honest, I was scared. That at any time those clots can go and block thing that can make my heart cease to function. I just turned 30, I thought, it cant end like this. My cardio was more optimistic than I was of course. He prescribed me with enough medicine and a diet to help me out.

After almost a week being in the hospital, I finally got out. I know face the demons I fought almost 7 years ago. This time though, I'm all alone.

Mom's in the US. Wiya is gone. She....left before everyone else did.

I guess its a good thing my older bro was here else i'd be totally alone with no direct support. That wouldve sucked, being all alone. Then again Ive been literally been alone ever since anyway.

I always thought that my heart condition would come back to haunt me but I never thought that it would be this early and be this worse. I am now on a strict diet and have more medication than Wiya had when she was still around. It makes me feel like an 80 year old man.

The worst thought I have is that what if everyone went out and I was all by myself and I suddenly suffer a stroke?

That would really suck.