Despondency.

I'm trying to do the best damage control to stop me from doing...things.

It wouldn't have been so messy, so complicated and an annoyance (which I think this is how you see it, just an annoyance...that i'm an annoyance)...if things have just been said and explained. That if the truth had just been opened up rather than just trying to keep pushing it away at arms length, things would've prolly been so different.

But that didn't happen.

I can get really emotional...and that is true. But if I have been not kept out of the dark, I might have not been so. I would not mind being chosen over something more important (to you or to your future), as long as i'm told the reasons for it. Being told that I have been chosen over for family matters...or even another person..would've been more acceptable.

One of the most persisting line of thought that always goes through my head is that I wasn't even worth an explanation, a real honest explanation of why and how things turned out the way they did. That in some cases, other people knew more than me.

I have never felt so...used and thrown away. I know i'm not that good a person...but i'm thinking I wasn't that bad enough a person to have something done like that to me. Am I really that bad a person to deserve such a thing done to him? I mean, in trying to take care not to hurt me, you have hurt me more than every way possible.

But.

I acknowledge the fact that I have not been the best boyfriend. I have already mentioned that via the emails and messages. That I had lapses of judgement. That I had been an ass at times. But I tried, Lord knows, I tried to make things better...fun...beautiful...because you deserved it. And when I saw you, I thought you were happy and content. Was I wrong?

By not telling me anything important, anything that I needed to hear. It made me feel so invaluable. That the past 3 years was just something easy to be discarded away ..something easy to forget...that those 3 years didn't matter at all...that I didn't matter at all.

I do not know...what else could I have done? If I  packed some stuff and went to where you were at the time, would I have been welcomed? Would you even try to see me at all? Would that have made any difference? I did not know, I do not know. You weren't telling me anything.

You were my everything. I didn't leave anything at all for myself. That's prolly one wrong move on my part, not leaving enough for me. But despite all of that, there is still one part of me wanting to be there for you. My friends have been telling me over and over that it was/is such a bad idea. That I am setting myself up for another round of pain and disappointment. I didn't listen of course.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I have no idea where I'm going. Just waking up and greeting the day is just so draining. When I do wake up, try to come up with how to be useful around the house and not trying be such a burden. I am so lost and in pain.

Here's the thing..

I just want to be happy.

I just wanted to be happy.

Yet I am left with pieces of my broken self and sanity.

It's as if every and any attempt I make, it ends up blowing in my face. The more I become happy, the more that something bad happens. To the point that, I'm afraid to pursue happiness anymore.

I am stuck.

I have no idea what to do next.

I have been left to tend for myself and I have no idea what to do.

At this stage of my life, I should be more or less stable and have an inkling to getting to where I am going. But as circumstances would happen and life being unfair, I am stuck with this. With nothing. With words full of emptiness and empty promises. With doubts. With fear. With the knowledge of being abandoned by people who thought meant the world to you.. With the notions that things wont get any better.

Despite being told the opposite, I still have my doubts that things will ever get better.

This Humpty Dumpty fell down as his wall crumbled from the bottom and all the Kings men couldn't put this Humpty Dumpty together again.

Let's Talk Movies!: How To train Your Dragon 2

Wow.

Just wow.

I am almost out of words on how I love this film so much.

I absolutely stayed away from trailers and any kind of news for this movie for so long. It's not that I wasn't interested. I just want to come in and watch this movie without any expectations. It wasn't long until I got to watch a trailer of it though as it was shown before the screening of Edge Of Tomorrow.

It was fantastic! And using "Kings And Queens" by 30Seconds To Mars as its background music was awesome as well. The trailer itself spoiled something important and relevant to the movie but for me, it made me want to watch this movie more.

STORY
(as always, no spoilers)

The movie begins 5 years after the first one. Berk has now fully embraced the idea of being with dragonkind. They have even made a sport, Dragon Racing, and constructed a big stable to fully cement their relationships with their dragons.

While everyone is Dragon Racing, Hiccup has been travelling around with Toothless. Discovering new lands, people and dragons. He has a more mature look and seemingly made his own personal armor that allows him to fly (glide actually) with Toothless. During his travels however, he meets up with his long-lost mother. His mother, who was presumed dead, has been living as somewhat of a hermit along with a vast array of dragons as well as an Alpha dragon called a Bewilderbeast.

Things get hairy when they meet Drago Bludvist, who appears to have a vast army and his own Bewilderbeast. A bloodthirsty conqueror, he will stop at nothing to gain control of dragonkind.

Toothless in "How To Train Your Rider To Fly Like A Dragon"

REVIEW

This movie does not disappoint. This is a perfect shining example on how you should do a movie sequel. I loved the first movie. It was brilliant and to be honest who doesn't love dragons? Kids of all ages and also the kids at heart love dragons...and moreso love the prospect of being able to have and train one.

I love the sequel even more. It has alot of things fans of the movie (and books too) would love. It continues the story of the first without making major changes. Then it adds more to the HTTYD movie lore with the inclusion of Hiccup's mom (How They Met The Dragon Tamers Mother, cue in theme song). Which I think that is great. I mean, we barely really get to know what happened to her during the first movie

Unfortunately, I have to be honest about it. I haven't read any of the books so I don't really have any comparisons to offer. But often times, the movies really do have differences from their books since alot of directors/producers/script writers are given freedom to change things as they see fit. Sometimes it doesn't work out well.

One of things I love about most in the movie is how they made Hiccup look to be more ingenious and crafty. First is his armor who has more pockets than Batman's utility belt. I loved how he has all those compartments in it. It hides alot of stuff that is helpful to him as he travels around. Also the armor has made him able to glide with Toothless. Second is his flame sword. I mean c'mon! A Flame Sword? That's pretty awesome! The sword has several attachments too, Hiccup more or less puts his knowledge of dragons to good use. Last is his peg leg. In the first movie it was somewhat crude but for the sequel it has been upgraded. It has a "Flying" (for which he can guide Toothless' fin with) and "Ground" (for walking) mode now which kinda made sense.

The story was great. It's action packed but it also has its drama. There was never a dull moment for me. If you haven't watched the first movie then it's alright. The sequel doesn't really alienate new viewers. Also (and it's not that much of a spoiler) there's was a point in the movie where it made me cry and from then on, I couldn't stop crying. Maybe it's prolly just me but some of the drama scenes have the power to invoke such emotions. Trust me.

It is the movie to watch if you don't know what movie to watch. And is definitely worth a re-watch too. I honestly recommend everyone to watch this one and re-watch it if you have time. For me, it is one of the best movies this year.

Besides, how can you not like this guy?

Let's Talk Movies!: Edge of Tomorrow

As usual, i'll make this as spoiler-free as possible. I will also try not to compare the movie to the manga/light novel it was adapted from, "All You Need Is Kill". But if you haven't read that one then I suggest you do because it's a good read and frankly, we all need a good read nowadays.

I first heard about this movie when I was browsing about news from SDCC (San Diego Comic Con) 2013. There was a panel and a first look for the movie and there were posters. I must admit the posters looked very cool. It was Tom, some guy in an exo suit and Emily. I didn't know that the movie was based on a manga until a few weeks ago. I have even read the FCBD (Free Comic Book Day) comic of All You Need Is Kill (with Terra Formars) when you flipped it) and it still hasn't dawned on me. So with that revelation I rewatched the official trailer and it looked more enticing to watch. I have also read both the light novel and the manga and they were awesome too.

~

The SDCC 2013 Posters

The Story:

Earth is at war. Aliens called "Mimics" have invaded the planet and it seemed like Humanity is fighting a lost cause. But with the creation of combat exo suits they call "Jackets", it seems that Humanity now has a chance. Major William Cage (Tom Cruise) is all over the news telling people about the war and how we are able to defeat these Mimics. He also tells war stories and in particular about a soldier named Rita Vrataski (Emily Blunt), who has become face of the war due to her success at the Battle of Verdun.

Unfortunately for Cage, he is sent from his comfy chair to the frontlines just before the big attack called Operation: Downfall. He was very hesitant about this since he doesn't have any combat expertise and experience. He tries to blackmail his way out of it which in turn gets him arrested and brands him as a deserter. So he gets shipped off to the FOB (Forward Operating Base) and is introduced to J-squad.

The day of the attack and Cage is a fish out of water. Utter chaos and death was all around. He rejoins J-squad but is then ambushed by Mimics. He meets his demise when he encounters and kills a really weird and big Mimic. But to his surprise, he wakes up on the same place at the same spot at the FOB.

From there he tries to go day-to-day trying to survive and find a way to end the war and the loop.

~

It's called a TIME LOOP and not necessarily TIME TRAVEL....and my views on the movie, actors, effects and whatnot~


Contrary to what other people had mentioned. The story isn't about time travel but rather a deviation of it which is the time loop. There have been alot of movies that have used this as their plot device Bruce Willis was in two which are 12 Monkeys and Looper and then my one of my favorite movies, Groundhog Day which starred Bill Murray.

Anyway.

To be honest, I was expecting a typical Tom Cruise film of action and romance. Almost always we get the same treatment from his movies...except the one (Collateral) where he plays a bad guy opposite Jamie Foxx. This film was no different. It had Cruise, it had action, it had Cruise running, it had Cruise grinning like an idiot.  It was fun to see Cruise's character trying not to die for each loop he goes back to and on how he tries to convince everyone else that the day already happened and it's not going to end well.

The surprise for me was Emily Blunt. She isn't really an action star. In this movie however, she held her own. She really looked good moving, jumping about killing Mimics left and right. I think she has a future being an action star.  And did I mention she was pretty hot?

Yeap, she is pretty hot.

The story was really something old and new at the same time. Time loops have been used before in many movies but it wasn't prolly used like they used it in Edge of Tomorrow. Add in an alien invasion and uber cool technology in the mix then I guess it is something fresh for movie-goers to see.

The Mimics were actually done well. They really looked like something out of this world and very menacing. They move like a small ball of thorns and have lighting quick reflexes and when they die, the light goes out from them and they just sort of freeze up.

The "Jackets" that they used in the movie looked like the ones they used in The Matrix albeit a more "compact" version. Its weird how even with jackets making them a one man army killing machine, they still cant totally fend off the Mimics. Anyway, seeing the jackets in action was prolly the best times of the movie. Bonus fact: they are in process of making actual combat exo suits at the moment.

An example of a "Jacket".....and another excuse to post a pic of Emily Blunt.

All in all, Edge of Tomorrow is a good action movie. It has good actors, it has a good story and has some good action. It has some humor in it too so that's a bonus. However, they do have some plot holes that makes you question a few stuff in the movie. I won't spoil/tell you though. You have to watch it for yourself.