Six Months.

Time flies by so fast and it's already been half a year since you've left.

To be honest ...I've never really gotten used to it.

It's not hard to get emotional when I see pictures of you or even just being around the places you frequent in the house. But truth be told , I sometimes wish to see you roaming around the house like you usually do.

I've been so stuck since you've been gone. All the signs of weakness I tried not to show you has now overwhelmed and consumed me. I know for a fact that you wouldn't want me feeling this way. But I'm sorry...I failed. I just can't seem to just be my old self.

I can function as you can prolly see. I can still go on and continue with life. I can still smile and laugh and hopefully love. It's just that, I was hoping you'd still kinda be here for me as you always have. Whenever I'm feeling down, you'd make me something. You'd give me advice about life and everything even when I didn't need it. You were always there to support me even when no one else did.

It has been killing me that we didn't have enough time to talk during your last days. Then again, mostly it was because you were to weak to speak due to your condition. The last time we did talk though was when I was telling you about my graduation from baking class. You were awake and had your eyes on me. I gripped your hand tight as I was explaining and telling you everything. I was also holding back my tears avoid any cracking in my voice as I was talking. When I stopped, you had watery eyes and was mouthing something I couldn't decipher.

Then in a couple of days after that....you were gone.

I managed to go and finish baking classes but I couldn't manage to go to the graduation because I got sick from all the binge drinking and emotional distress. I haven't even baked something edible ever since.

If you have watched me for the past few months, I know you'd be disappointed in me. But I know that rather than give me a hard time about it, you'd just be there for me and give me a hug and tell me everything will be alright like you always did.

I could really use that hug and pep talk right now..because despite it all, I still have my doubts that everything will be alright.

I miss you Wiya. I'm trying but its been really, really hard. It's easy for me to just go and fake it when I go out and talk to people. But when I'm by myself, it all just gets me and I break down.

I miss you alot Wiya. I know that the reason you tried to hold on as long as you can was that you just wanted to see and leave us stable, secure and happy. My other siblings are doing well. I can't say that for myself.. I saw your letter. Well hidden among your old hospital bills and papers. It wasn't as much a letter of goodbye but a letter of instructions.  I'm sorry that I haven't done my part. I know a lot of people are very much disappointed in me. I hope I'm not a big disappointment to you as well.

"But Doctor... I am Pagliacci."

Ironic how a man who filled the world with laughter and smiles can be so full of sadness. So much so that he took his own life.

I was very very shocked to hear about Robin Williams' death in the wee hours of the morning. I was even more shocked to learn that he committed suicide and that he was really depressed.

I hope that he now finds the peace of mind he was looking for.

~

I am no stranger to depression. I was in a funk for almost a year and I'm gradually starting to climb out of the deep hole that my depressed self flung me into.

It is hell.

I have been told by a lot of friends and people that I should just shake it off, pay it no mind and just be happy. And I've told them a lot of times that it's just not that easy. They didn't believe me. They thought I was just throwing a pity party for myself. They never really understood why I was like that. To them I was such a happy go lucky person. I was the one making jokes during hangouts and everyone laughed at them.

But they had enough. So they left.

A few stayed behind. Trying to talk me out of stupid things I might do. They were there for me at my lowest and I got pretty low. So low that I bought myself some sleeping pills, gobbled them all up and washed it down with some Jack Daniels. I didn't really care what will happen to me. As long as the hurting and pain and the sadness went away then it's fine. I didn't care about anyone else, on who might be hurt or how they will deal with it. I know i'll be gone and it won't matter to me.

But it didn't happen. I woke up in the wee hours of early morning, dazed and confused. I felt lightheaded and sick. I then felt like vomiting really bad, good thing the bathroom was near. I was in there puking my guts out prolly for a good 15 minutes and then I proceeded to remove all traces of everything.

Was I glad that it didn't push through? I dunno. But that wasn't my first attempt.

~

Hopefully people would see depression in a different light and hopefully they would know how to act when they see their friends get depressed.

Let's Talk Movies: Guardians of the Galaxy

Wow.

Just Wow.

Marvel took a chance with his movie and they've hit a homerun with it. It was certainly a very obscure comic to comic readers, even more obscure to the non-readers. But Marvel just went and did the thing and now they'll be raking in the big bucks.

Here's to taking chances eh? Well, it would've went any other way really. But Marvel had done an awesome job with marketing the whole thing. And now everyone knows who the characters are. ...or at least the main ones.

Story:
~ Peter Quill (also known as the Legendary Outlaw, Star-Lord) has lived his life in space and has managed to acquire an ancient artifact. Unfortunately, everyone wants their hands on it (it feels so Indiana Jones-esque). This starts off the turn of events wherein he meets the members of GotG in different ways and through different means.As they try to outrun Ronan the Accuser, all seems to be lost when he manages to get his hands on the artifact and start total purging of the galaxy.

Review:
~ This movie is the 2nd to the last movie for Phase 2 of Marvel's Cinematic Universe. It sets up any possible "cosmic" storyline  for future movies (sorry but I do not consider any of the Thor movies "cosmic").

The story itself is...somewhat typical as anti-heroes try to save the day from the bad guy. But that's oversimplifying things as the movie gives more than just the story. The movie's characters individual stories are pretty much mentioned in some detail. These characters have already been prevalent in the comics but this is the first time seeing them in the cinematic universe. They didn't veer away from their comic counterparts which is always a good thing. It's also not also so much "out there" that it won't be understood by the regular movie-goer or the MCU's  (Marvel Cinematic Universe) fans. Which means you don't have to really need to read the comics to enjoy the movie. They pretty much made it so that everyone is seeing these characters and their stories and THE main story for the first time. And that's pretty much a big plus because people won't be so confused as to who's who t that they totally won't enjoy the film.

The movie has some pretty awesome visuals. From the landscape of Planet Morag to literally a floating head of a dead celestial named Knowhere, they really made it look like a real space adventure.

living inside a severed floating head of a huge dead organism? ONLY IN SPACE!

Along with the awesome visuals come also the awesome special effects. From CGI Aliens to the SFX done to the actors, it was pretty great. I mean sometimes it was all too much for the eyes as you try to keep track of things happening in the movie.

Star-Lord's ship, The Milano (did they name it after Alyssa Milano?).

You can't talk about a space movie without talking about spaceships! They were all very wonderful to look at. From Star-Lord's Milano to Ronan's menacing Dark Aster, seeing them on the big screen flying around was pretty intense.

The acting was a bit okay though. Chris Pratt was particularly awesome as well as Bradley Cooper. Vin Diesel as Groot...was...well fun and okay since he has  little vocabulary. I was a bit weirded out on how the chose to characterize Drax. I mean Batista was a fit for him but how they chose to portray him lacked something. He had his moments though, they just needed to him  be more of the destroyer persona. Zoe Saldana was also okay being Gamora. But she lacked the aura of being the most dangerous woman in the universe. Take for example Karen Gillan who played Nebula. She was a sweet looking girl who is known for being in Dr. Who. In the movie, she's totally Nebula...she's a bad-ass (she also shaved her head for the role rather than use a bald cap). Her face and facial expressions says it, her moves says it. Zoe's portrayal seems a bit lacking on that part. On capturing how bad-ass Gamora is. She did okay though, it's just that she could've done a bit more. Lee Pace as Ronan didn't seem like a fit  for me. He was an Elven King and then prior to that he was a pie maker. He hasn't really played a real villain yet. He also lacked the mass that Ronan has, as Ronan is a big bulky bruiser. It came as a big surprise how he (Lee Pace) absolutely played Ronan well. He was big, he was menacing, he was the uber villain of the movie. Michael Rooker was also aa surprise for me. Though they made some changes, he surely made Yondu his own character. He made it seem like Yondu was a space cowboy with his attire and accent. I was amazed how they got his "power" right somewhat.

ohai <3

 And what's more better than a great movie? Having a great soundtrack to go with it. Yes, "Awesome Mix Vol.1" is an actual album being sold in record stores. It's part of the GotG OST and it has all the nostalgia bomb songs in the movie. 

Overall, Guardians of the Galaxy just delivers. It is a great movie that's full of action and adventure. It has also a few bits of humor put in that made me laugh so hard. It also chock full of easter eggs that I kept nudging my brother everytime I see one (there is a lot, keep your eyes peeled). It's a must see movie for the comic fans, MCU fans and movie goers alike.

...oh! be ready for post credits scenes. Brownie points for everyone who knows.