Family Reunion

 Mum and my younger siblings are actually on their way back home to the US at the time of this writing. Their trip here lasted almost a month. There were days that went by so slow but there were also days were things were happening so fast. It still feels like the time each other was too short.

The whole thing was just a little dream we all talked about a couple of years ago. They went here for vacation in 2019, before covid hit so we were all lucky. I guess we all wanted a vacation during the whole lockdown "era". It started with a few ideas between my Mum and Younger sister. My older brother would chime in once in awhile. It was fun to be able to think of places to go. A trip to japan was also being thrown around with each of us just going and meeting up there since it was made clear that getting a US visa was going to be hard AND pricey. I didn't really think that it would push through but things happened and suddenly the whole trip seemed so viable. I think it was around the start of 2021 when things got real and things sort of got finalized and then Mum started asking us (the older siblings) if there were things we wanted which theyll bring. After a seemingly long time, arrival dates were given and all we had to do was wait.

Me and my older bro had a month to finalize things at home which was basically general cleaning and who sleeps in what room. It was totally a chore but we managed to do it. At the time, I still couldnt believe that from years to months, to weeks and then it was only days before we see the rest of the family again. I was pretty much excited as everyone else.

My younger sister arrived two weeks before Mum and the younger siblings but stayed with the in-laws for those two weeks. They then came home on the day Mum and the rest also arrived. Coincidentally, the arrival date from 2019 was also the same for this year.

From there we went everywhere we can. We had planned alot of trips that we were able to squeeze in. I'm thankful I was free (the shop is still closed at this moment) for this because the last time, I couldnt go to some of the trips due to work and I regretted it. I tried to go to all the trips this time around. We had a few misadventures along the way but it was still good. I regret not being able to properly bond and talk to Mum and my younger siblings and that some of the things I wanted to do with my younger siblings (like a drinking session) didnt really fall through. I did what I can though and I hope that that was enough.

I thought about how were lucky to be able to have this during these times. It was hard enough with the pandemic but being able to have the family all together again was something what we all needed.

The house was full and alive during these past few weeks but...now that everyone's gone back. It feels so quiet and empty. That empty feeling was also heavy within me. Even if it was a short time, it was pretty hard be home with just me and my older bro again. This time around was more hard for me. Ive been a bit emotional during the whole pandemic and ..the "separation anxiety" just added to things and..its pretty hard when youve got no one to talk to about it. Theres nothing I can do about it as it has been like this for awhile. I let things be and try to cope. 

I do hope Mum and the sibs got to enjoy their trip this time. Hope they would be able to return again when they can.

The New Year post

 So...2021 was more or less the same as 2020. The pandemic was still here but was finally able to get vaccinated and felt safe until another variant came and booster shots were needed. Things have already been bad and it felt like the worse is coming. I mean I havent even talked about how much of a shitty clown show the upcoming elections for my country is having.

2021 also had its fair share of surprises. I think the most surprising one was being able to sort of reconnect with someone I never thought I'd hear from again. For a time, I thought I'd be getting a bit of closure but eventually I realized that wasn't the case. I also realized that it won't matter because its been years and it won't feel that genuine. It'll be like just saying it for the sake of just saying it. I was surprised that I was the sort of...told to say what I wanted to say, I mean I thought Ive already did that with all the posts about it here. I still said my piece and I feel that that'll be the last time I'll hear from her ever again and that's fine and that's okay.

I'm pretty much relieved that nothing big happened to me healthwise this year. There wasn't a hospital trip or any scares especially with covid running rampant. I had/have a big fear of prolly getting it because that's how my luck usually goes. I hope that continues to be the case for the new year. I also hope that I didn't just jinx it lol

I can't say the same mentally though. It's been getting harder and harder to get up in the morning. When the shop was still open, I at least had a reason to push myself off and get up. Lately, I'd just rather stay in bed the whole day. The bed just sinks me in deeper and deeper. I dunno if this is part of an underlying issue or not. I've also been crying alot at little things lately. If something tugs at my heartstrings then the waterworks come out. Be it from an anime, western show, a movie, or a manga. I mean I've always been easy to get teary-eyed buts just more prevalent lately. Well..

Anyhoo, we managed to open the shop again albeit just for 9 months and 3 days a week. The covid restrictions made it hard for the shop to function like it was before but that just wasn't the only thing. We moved one floor up to a much smaller place than before and there wasn't a kitchen so we couldn't generate additional income. The product restock was slower than usual and that left me dumbfounded then again there wasn't much income being generated so it was hard to just dish out money that didn't come out form the shops income. We closed indefinitely until face to face will be viable again just after 9 months of being open. Sad that it wasn't possible to just stretch it out a little bit until the end of the year (no xmas bonus lol). It it what it is. I'm still trying to figure out what not do next but im totally clueless. I do have a few things in mind but...I dunno, it's just hard to put into action with how the state of everything is.

Things weren't all bad. I was still lucky enough to have people, friends still being there for me despite everything. I do feel guilty receiving alot from them and not be able to give back for their generosity and such, I do hope i am able to someday. Vtubers have also been part of my daily life. I am thankful for their existence as my loneliness and boredom disappears when I watch them. 

I don't know what this year will be like for me. I do hope that it'll be more better.

I'm not really sure who has been reading/viewing my posts but I do appreciate it. I'm happy that people has spent their precious time reading my nonsensical ramblings. Thank you.

Happy New Year!