For No One.

...but then again, if YOU are reading this. then this is for you.

It's..almost been a month.

I miss you. I know I shouldn't but I do. 

I've been trying. Lord knows i've been trying to keep it all together. But there have been more bad days than good...more bad thoughts than good.

But i've been trying. It's not good enough and I feel it won't ever be good enough. 

I should've asked you if that's what you really, REALLY want. But I wasn't pretty sure if i'll ever get a reply from you..EVER. So I did what I had to do. I didn't want to do it. But I did. Because you made me feel like you wanted it to happen, that you wanted to go. So I did, I let you go.

But it wasn't that easy in real life. Words..written or said, they're easy. But in real life..well, it has never been easy.

I couldn't believe how easy it was for you though. But I guess you had work and school and your new friends and I guess being in a foreign country can easily help you forget alot of things. I guess thats fine. Even till now, I just want you to be happy.

Let me bear all the pain and suffering of what was broken because even if I rant or complain or cry...I can handle it..I need to handle it.

I really don't know how're you're doing but I hope you are well. I dunno know who you are with but I hope he..or she..treats you well and that you are happy with each other. I hope you're not stressing yourself too much from work again ...or if you're traveling, I hope you're mindful enough to keep track of your things and always be aware of your surroundings. I know I shouldn't be saying these things anymore. Since well, it's obvious you don't need me anymore and.or you already have someone to help you with things. But I can;t help myself. You were the ONLY GOOD THING i've encountered the past few years.

With that being said, people..and a few of my friends who have abandoned me because of my situation and/or who just doesn't give a fuck, need to know that I was not in a good place prior to us. And I have been praying hard for someone to come along and save me. They don't know that you we're the only one who saw something in me that I couldn't see in myself. You gave me a second look, picked me up, dusted me off and made me yours. And that made me happy. And that saved me. And you've been with me though thick and thin. You've been with me when I hurt you. You've been with me when I loved you. When I was at my very worst...during the time I was confined in ICU. All I asked the nurses was to let you in and let you stay with me in my room [of course they never did so, stupid hospital rules]. When I was released from ICU and was placed in a room and you stayed with me for a night, all I could think about is how lucky I was. And then obviously, you've been with me during my best. So you see people, she has been with me all around and she accepted everything about me. That is why it's just so damned hard for me during this time. I lost someone more important than my life. So I hope you bear with me as I 'm having a hard time bearing with it myself.

And no, unless you wanted to, this isn't a bid for you to come back to me. What this is is just something I want to write down for you, regardless if you'll ever read any of it....or not. I don't care, it doesn't matter. I just wanted to write some of the thing's i've felt this time. I don't mind if it's confusing or doesn't have coherence. These are my thoughts and feelings conveyed..well, at least some of it. 

I'm still learning to accept the fact that you're gone from my life. That you've left with whatever reasons you have and with whatever things you have. I know i've got to learn to accept the goodbye you never gave me, as well as the closure from you I'll never hear. To let those unanswered questions be just buried and then..hopefully..forgotten by time. It's hard you know. You are such a beautiful person and have made my life meaningful when you were in it. I mean, how can I just forget that? I'm trying...really, really hard. But there are times when it's not enough and I break my promise of not caring and not to cry anymore..and I just breakdown and cry and sulk and cry and be sad. I am not a strong person. You were the one making me strong. I guess I also need to learn how to live alone again. I don't want to. But I have no choice.

I...know you have your own life now. I just hope that I meant something to you. Even a lil bit. That when remembering me [if you do even still remember me], a smile will form on your face. We had our problems and issues but the time with you was so far the best i've ever had. You still mean a lot to me. Yes, I still do love you. And I will never stop doing so until my heart stops beating. I;m hurting and sure my heart has been scarred ..but you will be my favourite scar. I am hoping that i've been significant in one way or another in your life.

I don't know what else to say. There're...still a few things I guess but as I continue to write this post, it's getting harder to breathe and think and function and it's making me feel again.

If you want to talk to me then that's okay. You know my email address and other websites. I'm open to any form of communication. If you don't, that's fine as well. It's just..I'm just saying IF..

I know what i'm doing is counter-productive to the whole process of moving forward. But you know me.

I hope you're doing fine. I hope you're taking care of yourself. I hope you're happy and feeling well.

As for me. I hope I can be happy too. For now, i'm trying and it's coming up 50/50.

Hiatus.

Change didn't happen. Choice did.

There's always a choice.

Always.

Choosing to change is a choice.

Choosing change is a choice.

But whatever did happened, i'll accept it.

I just want you to be happy even if I won't be.

And now, for something a little tevvanahd...

E tacanja drec.

E tacanjat fryd rybbahat du sa.

Pa ed uv lniam vyda un gynsy, E ryt drec lusehk.

Cra fyc nekrd du tu fryd cra tet. Fru ys E yhofyo? Fryd ys E? E ys hudrehk suna dryh cusauha fru tuach’d tacanja ran.

E lyh’d ajah dyga lyna uv socamv mad ymuha cusauha amca.

E tacanja drec. Drec byeh, drec muhamehacc, drec vaamehk uv ypyhtuhsahd.

Ev E teth’d tacanja drec drah fro fuimt cra mayja? Fro fuimt yhouha mayja fryd caasat mega y knayd namydeuhcreb?

Lmaynmo, drana’c cdemm cusadrehk fnuhk fedr sa. E tuh’d tacanja cusauha mega ran, E tuh’d tacanja yhouha yd ymm.

Fryd E tacanja ec drec….yht ed’c silr suna byehvim yht lniam dryh taydr.

......

It's not working.

My mind goes haywire once I try to sleep at night.

Closer and closer to the edge.

I am tempted to just jump and fall.

That would end it and put my mind to rest.

Too much.

Things hasn't been well the past few weeks.

I don't want to get too detailed about it as I really have no idea what triggered the whole thing.

All I know is I have been left to tend to my own devices without as much as a goodbye.

I have been trying to bottle things up and my friends, the whole lot of 'em, have been trying their best to keep my attention diverted and keep me happy.

But it's all too much for me.

I can't keep containing it and it's bound to overflow sooner or later.

It just hurts and pains me so much that I haven't been sleeping well, I'm in danger of over-eating myself to death...I have even entertained the thought of smoking again.

I'm as lost as I was years ago. Something I thought I'd never be again.

I don't know what to do.

Let's Talk Music!: Fall Out Boy - Save Rock and Roll

The title of their album seems apt enough.

But to be honest, I really didn't know what happened to Fall Out Boy. I didn't even know they sort of had this hiatus going on. The last thing I heard from them was "Folie a Deux" and then nothing.

But I was equally happy and surprised when I saw that they were going to release new stuff. It kinda spread like wildfire all over the web..well, mostly on Tumblr.

They released the first single [along with its video], "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark [Light 'Em Up] and from there I was hooked. I didn't count how many times I've raped...*cough* click the Replay button but it was that damn good and catchy too.

...and then the day came and the album was out...

I really couldn't stop listening it to it.

The whole thing starts with a strong song with a very apt title [The Phoenix] and then eases in a bit with the first single [MSKWYDITD..yea, I abbreviated it LOL] and then from there branches into more songs that are new but also are somewhat expected from FOB. Awesome guitar riffs and catchy lyrics, it's more than enough to make your head bob along.

The album has 11 new songs and awesome collabs namely  Courtney Love [of Hole] and Elton John. The whole album makes you feel like FOB never left  the scene and makes you fall inlove with them again. The songs [for me at least] are refreshing and are very upbeat. They will definitely put you in a good mood while going through your daily routine.

I like every song on this album but my fave faves are The Phoenix, MSKWYDITD, Alone Together, Rat a Tat and Save Rock and Roll.

The Phoenix is prolly one of the best first songs of any album I've heard in a while. It starts out very ominous and heavy then picks up a bit into the chorus. It definitely will get you pumped and excited to hear more of the album.

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark [Light 'Em Up] is the first single to come out from the album and immediately follows after The Phoenix. So from the initial song you are immediately thrown into something more familiar but very, very catchy. From the start to the end, it's either you'll clap or sing along. The next fave faves is also the 3rd song of the album and comes after MSKWYDITD. 

Alone Together's title seems pretty weird. I mean, how can you be alone but together? Then you hear lyrics and listen to the song and then you'll understand. 

Rat a Tat and Save Rock and Roll are the last two songs and are also collabs with other artists. Rat a Tat is a collab with Courtney Love and brings her alternative style into the song. The song goes fast and hard on Courtney's parts and then it sort of levels out on Patrick's turn.Save Rock and Roll is a collab with THE Elton John and is also the last song in the album which I think is very fitting. The song is one of FOB's slower songs and melodic.Elton John is pretty much Elton John and  provides a more "regal" tone to the song.

The only negative I can prolly say about the album is that it feels short even though the whole thing runs around 41 minutes. I mean, even the cover art looks so bad-ass! But I must say that it kept me wanting more and with this I do hope future albums would be as much awesome. Also whether or not Fall out Boy did "Save Rock and Roll" this time around, it's pretty certain they did a good job making rock and roll hang around.

Whether or not you're a fan, this is definitely a good add to your music library.

Let's Talk Movies!: G.I. Joe Retaliation

The original screening for this movie was for June last year [as stated in the old poster above] but due to a whole lot of things [making it 3D, initial preview screenings flunked, needed moar Duke, etc] the movie went back to semi-production and made fans wait a year till it came out.

Of course everyone was disappointed, maybe even angry but they did what they had to do. Once the movie did come out locally, I managed to catch it at the first showing on the first day. I was pretty excited the night before that I couldn't sleep.

The movie picks up where it left off at the end of Rise of Cobra but it does leave a whole mess of plot holes. Here are a few:

~ What happened to the other Joes [Scarlett, Ripcord, Heavy Duty, Breaker, Stone, Hawk]?
~ What was the "Nano-mite Wars"?
~ If Cobra Commander was in jail in Destro, who were the Joes fighting in said Nano-mite Wars [it couldn't be just Firefly]?
~ How did Storm Shadow survive?
~ Baroness?

Those were a few things running through my head during the first part of the movie. Moving on...

The storyline is split with what happens to the Joes to what Snake Eyes was doing with his free time. It was a nice back and forth thing and I think it meshed well.

The main story basically is that Pres. Zartan decimated the Joes and gets info in order to release Cobra Commander and then rule the world. Simple enough and it stays true to the Joe theme going back to the animated shows which was Cobra tries to take over the world and the Joes stop it. They did add a few more things and easter eggs to spice the movie up. The easter eggs however can only be seen and recognized by the purest of Joe fans or at least those who have watched alot of cartoons.

Anyhoo, so Pres. Zartan decimates the whole Joe team along with their bases and such but a few survive and now has to work underneath the radar in order to clear their names [Renegades plot line much?]. Meanwhile Snake Eyes is paired up with Jinx and goes to collect Storm Shadow under the orders of the Blind Master. Then the whole gang meets up and teams up to defeat the plans of Cobra.

With that said, the whole movie is pretty much a great and fun watch. They did a great job with going further than what they did in ROC. Although there are still rooms for improvement.

Character time!
~ I kinda liked The Rock's portrayal of Roadblock, he didn't go rhyme much but he was big and menacing. ~ Adrianne Palicki was a good choice for Lady Jaye. Sure there were scenes of uber fan service which was out of character for Lady Jaye but it was still a nice portrayal.
~ Speaking of portrayals, I think they messed up on how they should've portrayed Flint. D.J. Cotrona was great but the character he was doing almost felt like it was more of Falcon than Flint. Falcon was more of a young and brash soldier and that what how I saw D.J. I mean Flint a free-runner? And another thing, Lady Jaye gets to have a small backstory talk and we don't get one for Flint [or even Fireflly]?
~ As for Firefly, Ray Stevenson did an excellent job. I didn't expect the accent though, I don't remember Firefly talking like that on the animated cartoon.
~ Speaking of accents, Jinx seemingly looks asian but doesn't...and she sounds a bit british. Oh well.
~ Rza as the Blind Master, well sure he looks and speaks the part but was he really necessary? Some say he isn't, some say he does. For me it's a bit 50/50, I think he's there mainly to act as Snake Eyes' voice when they were conversing with Storm Shadow.
~ Byung Hun Lee was the 2nd best guy out there. His portrayal of Storm Shadow was spot on and you could see that he worked out to get his body buff.
~ It was interesting to see Bruce Willis casted as Joe Colton. But being the aging action hero that he is, being cast as Colton seemed like a fit.
~ Ray park as Snake Eyes. Still awesome, nuff said.
~ Cobra Commander...looked and sounded more like the Cobra Commander we know. I liked his look in this one, part warlord part well-dressed boss.
~ I think the best actor for me in this movie is Jonathan Pryce aka the President aka also Pres. Zartan. You could tell he had to make two separate individual traits for the two characters he was portraying even though it was the same one.
~ There were ALOT of other characters that have been named on the cast list but didn't have any significant effect on the movie. I was surprised to see a few notable characters on the cast but didn't see them at all, will wait for the Blu Ray I guess.


When the movie ended, we get treated to a song saying/asking "How do you like me now?". It made me feel like it was a deliberate thing Jon Chu added. My response to that is "I like you a little bit now but make the next one without any glaring plot holes".

There's action, guns, explosions, ninjas, a little but of fan service, some comedic moments, a few more ninjas and The Rock and Channing Tatum talking about panties. What's not to like about this movie? Sure it still felt a bit lacking and that the one year wait didn't produce enough but it still has its moments.

Whether you're a fan of the franchise or not, it's still a nice movie to go and watch. It's still way better than Rise of Cobra and with a 3rd movie being greenlit, hopefully it'll get way more better.

I loved it, it was a great movie for me. There are only two words left to say, Yo Joe!