Its hard to try to "reboot" or "re-write" yourself.
The heart and mind are two greatly different things. The heart wants what the heart wants. The mind is constantly thinking of both reasons why and why not the heart should get what it needs to have.
I really do not want to "re-write" my heart. My mind is at a loss on what to do.
I know what my heart wants but unfortunately, it cannot get it. It knows the pain and suffering but it still goes on and beats. And it beats for what it wants..who it wants.
The mind is at a loss at this. It also has known pain and suffering but in its recesses, it also agrees with the heart.
There's alot of back and forth thinking and arguing between the two. That has been alot of sleepless nights for me.
The mind sees the heart in pain and it lies to it. It lies to try to ease the hearts' pain. But the mind itself isn't convinced of the lie. It still hopes like the heart does. And when the mind hopes, the heart follows suit. Despite pain and suffering, the abandonment, the lack of truth and transparency. The mind and the heart still hope.
It's hard to try and stop the two from doing what they're doing. But I won't try. I will let them be. I will not lie to the feelings I have, to the feelings my heart and my mind have. But in order for me to not be hurt, I shall bury it deep down. I shall only leave a slight glimmer of hope. Until the fuel for it comes and releases the two when hope becomes truth.
I will go on my way. I will do what I do.
But my heat...it will want what it wants...who it wants. Until the truth comes and either gives what it wants or fully deny it.
I am prepared. My heart is prepared.
My mind....is doubtful but it says it'll see us all through.