Lost At Sea.

Life.

It'll get to you. Though most of the time, you go on with your life oblivious. At times, lax and comfortable with your current bearings.

And then..life happens and throws a curve ball.

You can be amazed how one thing can lead to another, into a chain of events utterly out of your control. When it's all done, you just stare and go blank with all that's happened. Rationalizing why it happened and why it shouldn't have. 

Denial.

We all go through denial. In everyday and in every choice we make. It doesn't make life any easier but you'd be surprised how some people live in a constant state of denial.

~

I seriously think that whenever I get comfortable with my current line of work something happens. The facts are there, I'm not sure whether the employment gods are playing a trick on me...or they're actually trying to tell me something.

It was all good times when "the boat" was purring like a well-oiled machine. Sure we had sort of an unorthodox way of doing our thing and we always had our fun but we never really let that interfere with the whole reason we're there for. Everything was going great until something weird happened to me that put me out of commission.

Prior to coming back, I've heard that "the boat" is now sinking. Which really was a big bummer. I've grown accustomed to the "ways of the boat" and the people. Everyone there has grown on me as they've made life a bit more bearable and easier. Irregardless, when I came back on board, it just really wasn't the same. Sailing for one last time, we had one final hurrah before most of us went separate ways. "The boat", a legend, now dismantled and rotting beneath the sea.

Opportunity came knocking when a former "boat" member told me try my luck at the company he was working for. It got me excited as he was working for a well-known company. With luck, I was able to get hired but assigned to work on something that, to be honest, was flat-out boring. The people were nice...it's just what we were doing was boring.

But in the coming months, I somehow enjoyed what I was doing...or at least trying to. That's when things happened again and a few of us needed to go "float" for awhile until we hear some news. It was...sort of a welcome thing for me as it would mean a new opportunity...and hopefully a more interesting game.

I thought it was pure luck when I got called back early than what I have expected. I also thought it was pure luck when I got assigned to something new and to a whole new set of people. It was a bit rough from the start but I eventually got the hang of how they work things on that team. The work was pretty much alright and the people were more than accommodating.

Then something happened again and people had to go. I thought that this was the end...again. But it wasn't, thankfully it wasn't. We did have to work a bit more and sacrifice a bit more but we managed and we got over the hill. Things were running normal again and enjoyable. However, something was looming over our heads that we expected to come sooner or later. We really just paid no mind to it as worrying will make matters worse for us.

And then it eventually happened, what transpired just a few months ago repeated itself.  Trying to be optimistic was all I could do. Until they called me back for something different. Rather than waiting for a call to go back to work, I am now waiting for a call to get my final pay. Oh well, with all the new things being implemented there, I guess it worked out.

From all those experiences, I feel like a prank is being played on me. A cosmic joke I am not aware of. Every time I get to a point where I am comfortable with my surroundings, I suddenly get a curve ball...and for the life of me I cannot swing good enough to stop it.

~

I've come to some sort of realization that I may have become an "invalid" before even reaching 30. I know a lot of people abusing their bodies more and yet here I am. I have stopped most if not all of my vices... yet here I am. Stricken with an unusual condition a few years back that has now left me incapable of doing certain things. 

Funny, I thought that I had an mature [well....sometimes] mind trapped in a young man's body. It's actually the other way around.

...and I don't know how long it'll last.

....that...scares the bejeezus outta me.

 

~ currently drifting and lost at sea ~

the alansong

D'you remember...September?

It's been an eventful September so far. Aside from being the 15th month of being together with my girlfriend, it's also the month I gave her "her baby" Pancake! So more or less, it's like a birthday for Pancake since she turned 1 this year.

I'm also celebrating the start of my new work [training has ended] and my first pay as well [but it still seems like months away D:]. Work has been pretty much the same except for of course the lack of my old friends/officemates and of course, the difference in rules but it's pretty much awesome so far. My new co-workers are very much friendly and helpful. We had a small get together last month when our client from Korea came and that's where we mostly got along.

My younger sister went to Singapore [just last week] and from what I hear she's doing ok. I'm glad for her that she got the opportunity to work over there. I hope she does fine. I'm also glad that my cousin, an aunt and a close friend also lives/works there, she has a few people to go to just incase for emergencies.

Hobby-wise? Well, not that good since a new job means a new payroll which means [as aforementioned above] the pay will be coming late [due to the cut-off when I got in the company]. So I skipped a few good deals and missed out on an exclusive distribution but it's fine. Sooner or later, i'll have those things anyways LOL.

September...is also the month I list a Father for the second time. My stepdad died this month last year ad it still feels like we're still not over the fact that he's gone. He was a good man to my Mom and a great dad to my half-siblings so it was a really tremendous loss. We will miss him forever.

It's still the stat of September, there's still a few weeks to go...let's see what's in store and what adventure will come :D

advenuring through September!
- the alansong -

A New Adventure~

Last week was my first week of my new job at a really well-known and awesome gaming company [which I really wanted to work for] ;] ...and it has been an awesome experience. Meeting new people, learning new things and of course, playing new games.

It took almost a month before I was referred by my friend there and fortunately, things worked out. Hopefully, thing'll finally start moving and all of it turns out for the best.

Life has been pretty ok so far. It makes me want to believe that this is the silver lining that I've been waiting for. Hopefully, it is but one can never say what will happen next.

As for now, I'll do my best at my new job as it's the one that I've been waiting for.

Hopefully smooth adventuring up ahead!

- the alansong -

Game Reset...

A few weeks ago, I was enjoying time with my officemates/my friends and my health was relatively getting better. I was getting the inkling that despite it all, everything was getting back to normal. How wrong I was.

Last two weekends ago, we held the last party that our office will ever have. The main office closed down our branch and most of us went our separate ways. The party itself looked liked nothing was wrong...or things weren't changing. But at the end[or beginning] of the day, we all knew that this was it.

Last week was my first week of being unemployed again. I kind of thought that the last job I had was going to last a bit longer [I wanted to at least finish two years there before moving in] but life, as unfair and cruel as it is, had other plans. I miss my friends at the old office, they made life fun there. They made the work and the a-holes at work bearable. I'm thankful that even for a little while, I got to know them.

Granted, I needed the time to rest and recuperate but I can't just lie idly by. How can I save for the future if i'm not doing anything?

The last week, I tried to gather all the things I need and require for applying for a job. Getting an NBI Clearance was hell and unforgettable 12hour experience. At least I got what I came there for [albeit I'll be able to truly get it by the 30th]. The next step was finding a job. A friend of mine suggested applying to where he works, hopefully when I do apply there would still be openings. Another suggested applying to a company near where most of my former workmates are now. At least I have option 1 and 2.

I still get the nerves whenever I apply for anything. Some find it easy but I never get that feeling until the whole process is all over.

I must admit that the change really scares me a bit. I find it a bit hard to shift from a place you're familiar and comfortable with, doing the routine things to somewhere where you need to start over. It makes it hard to let go but change is inevitable. Sooner or later change will happen and anything we find familiar and/or comfortable will be gone. The daunting task of meeting new people, working with them, having to study new processes, being around a new atmosphere...it's like being in school again. But when I first came to where I worked before, I also had the same scared feeling. It took a few weeks before I felt comfortable enough to let loose and really have fun. Hopefully, it'll be the same again this time around.

Looking for a new adventure...
- the alansong -

Looking for a Silver Lining.

This will be my last days working for my current company. The main branch is closing our Manila branch and moving on to making mobile apps which they think would be more income-generating. Hence, the people in the Manila branch are now contemplating what to do next.

Lucky for most, they'll be retained, unfortunately, I was one of the few who was let go. The reason they had for me was my Health. I was actually expecting this, even when I was trying to get back to work. They seemed genuinely concerned how I'll prolly be stressed with the new work environment, bosses and the like. They also told me that I needed more time to recuperate fully since they say the med reports and that I was too young to be in this condition. They told me that it wasn't a performance issue, I was doing my job well. It was that they were worried I might not get the support I needed in thew office/company which was a bit true. In the current office/company, the admin and my colleagues are here to give me support whenever I need it plus during my shift [graveyard/night shift], I could rest and sleep when needed without disturbing anyone else since there are only a few of us at the time but hat might not be the case when we move.

They had their valid reasons, they prolly think I'm a liability. But I won't take it personally, business is business.

Moving on, the news was a sigh of relief for my Mum and Granmum who has been praying that I'd be given time to recuperate and rest more. O'd be going back home to Pampanga to my Mum where it'll be an easier place to recover since my Doctor and Cardio are both from there.

With regards to work well, a friend of mine offered me to come join their business since I wasn't ever really "out of the loop". I'll prolly take him up on that offer. But for now i'm just trying to finish the last few days.

It's a big thing for me since I wanted to finish my 2nd year in that company and i've been comfortable the last few months working there. The work has been ok and the people has been the best people i've worked with so far so it's a hard pill to swallow when I think of not being with those people I call my friends anymore. Also, the fact that i'll be more far away from my girlfriend isn't helping the transition. :[ She would love me to get well and be 100% recovered but for that to happen, I have to be a few more hours away from her. :[

I always, always try and look for the silver lining but being the pessimist that I am, it's a bit hard to see/do. Hopefully, with all the unfortunate things that has happened to me, that there are somethings in store for me that will make life better.


Adventure...rained out...
- the alansong -

Regularity?

It's been almost a week now since I returned to work. I was a bit nervous as I started walking to the office. Prior to being hospitalized, that routine walk to the office building from the bus stop made me lose breath and was really taking its toll. At times, I kept stopping for a bit to try and get some air. I hadn't had that trouble before but since I got sick and all, walking that stretch was a hard thing to do.

So naturally, I was nervous as the bus was nearing the stop.

Facing the overpass, I took a deep breath and moved my feet forward. When I reached the top, I stopped a bit to see if I'm out of breath or any signs of the old symptoms. Thankfully, there was nothing so I continued on till I reached the office.

Upon reaching the office, I was greeted by my friends and colleagues and of course I told them what happened and such. I also took time to check again if there's something amiss but still there wasn't anything wrong and I wasn't feeling anything wrong as well.

During my time off from work, alot has happened and a few people were gone. Unfortunately, I did not make it in time to see them off but we still communicate thru Facebook. I didn't really have a lot to catch up to in terms of work. There was no big update or anything. It feels like I never left or at least, has been gone only a week.  But with the departure of one whole team of people, the shift I'm in started to become boring.

Healthwise, everything was going well. I'm trying so hard to follow my diet [LOL], I'm also following my H2O restriction and have been also keeping up with my daily medication. Any symptom or trace of my sickness seems to be gone. But i'm still nervous and wary everytime I sense thati feel that  i'm out of breath.

Hopefully, everything will be back to normalcy and regularity soon. It's a bit hard trying to keep track of everything you eat and do.

Adventuring ....with care.
- the alansong -